The Power of Parents in a Kid's World: A parent's guide to keeping children free from alcohol, tobacco and other drugs
Research shows that parents are the number-one influence in their children's world.
Raising children can be one of life's most rewarding experiences. It can also be very frustrating when things don't go quite right, especially as your children reach adolescence. But remember, as a parent, you are the single most influential person in your children's lives. This booklet is a brief guide designed to help you understand your kids as well as identify your roles and responsibilities as a parent.
Understanding your children's world.
Today, children must learn to grow into adulthood in a world that's very different from the one their parents knew as children. It's a complex world where the dangers of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs flourish. Where thousands of television, movie and music images bombard children's imaginations with positive and negative messages about drugs on a daily basis.
It's a world where our children's language, actions and attitudes often seem foreign, confusing and, at times, contradictory. For example, these young adults want to fit in with a group, but at the same time, they want to be individuals. They also resent being categorically lumped into the group of "every child is doing drugs"--especially if they are not involved!
Children see their options in terms of how a choice affects their popularity, their freedom and their limits now--today. Not tomorrow. Not next year. Not for the rest of their lives.
Kids see themselves as being invincible, as if nothing bad will happen to them. They don't recognize the risks of getting sick or addicted. They don't worry about their health. They're just trying to satisfy their own needs in relation to their own world.
They're often willing to experiment, as long as they don't get caught. That would affect their freedom.
They don't judge others. It's a live-and-let-live world. "Whatever" is their motto in life, so peer pressure is less direct. Consequently, when children try alcohol, tobacco or other drugs, it's their way of trying to "fit in" more with certain groups.
Children develop different needs, particularly as they approach adolescence and adulthood. They need to fit in with peers. They're curious. They question everything, even authority. They need to feel grown up, to be independent and able to make their own decisions--like whether or not to smoke, drink or use other drugs. On the other hand, their needs often contradict themselves, and they need to have someone who really cares to turn to on important issues. More often than not, that someone is a parent.
In fact, according to numerous studies nationwide and in South Carolina, adolescent children say that their parents are the strongest single influence in their lives. The fear of disappointing a parent is often the biggest deterrent to risky behaviors.
Boy, what a relief! And what an awesome responsibility! As a parent, you do count. But, it's up to parents to learn how to communicate effectively. This starts by learning about some of the things that put your kids at risk of using alcohol, tobacco and other drugs, as well as some of the factors that can protect them from getting involved with these substances.
The use of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs can seldom be attributed to one cause. Instead, there are usually a number of factors present, some that relate to usage (risk factors) and others that act as buffers to such use (protective factors).
The risk factors.
Research has revealed a clear set of risk factors that occur more often among individuals who develop problems with alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.
These risk factors can be grouped into four major areas of life: (1) family; (2) community; (3) school; and (4) individual/peer. Following are some risk factors that fall within each of these four categories.
Family
- Family history of addiction
- Family management problems (including a lack of clear expectations and rules for behavior; a lack of parental supervision and monitoring of the children to know with whom and where they are; a lack of praise for and nurturing of the children; a high degree of family conflict; excessively severe, harsh or inconsistent punishment; and physical and/or sexual abuse)
- Family conflict
- Parental attitudes and involvement in crime, alcohol and other drug abuse
- Broken family structure
- Unclear rules about the use of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs
- Low parental involvement in the children's lives (including the parents' failure to notice and/or share with the children when they are doing a good job; failure to solicit input from the children regarding family decisions that affect them; lack of opportunities for the children to do enjoyable things with parents; and lack of interest in whether the children have completed their homework)
- Past problem behavior of siblings or step-siblings (including use of alcohol, tobacco or other drugs; carrying a handgun to school; and being suspended or expelled from school)
- Low family orientation of the children (for example, they seldom do things with family; do not enjoy spending time with family; have parents who are unaware of what they are doing and where they are going; feel their parents do not understand them; and have friends who, for the most part, are strangers to the family)
Community
- Availability of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs
- Community laws and norms that are favorable toward alcohol, tobacco and other drug use
- Transitions and mobility (for example, living in a transient neighborhood; changing schools; and undergoing a major lifestyle change, such as divorce of parents, relocation of family or death of a loved one)
- Low neighborhood management of problems
- Extreme poverty and social deprivation within the community.
School
- Early and persistent anti-social behavior (particularly boys in kindergarten through third grade)
- Academic failure in late elementary school
- Lack of commitment to school
Individual/Peer
- Alienation or rebelliousness
- Friends who engage in the problem behavior (In fact, this is the most reliable of the predictors.)
- Favorable attitudes toward the problem behavior
- Early initiation of the problem behavior
The protective factors.
Research has identified the following factors that are considered to be protective in nature. Interestingly, the first two are the only two factors that can be influenced by specific actions of individuals, families and communities. The remaining factors are personal characteristics or attributes that are inherent in the individual and are considered to be difficult or impossible to change, yet they too play a significant role in protecting an individual from problems.
- Bonding with positive individuals or institutions (This includes having opportunities to make meaningful contributions, having the skills to effectively contribute and being recognized for their contributions.)
- Clear, healthy and consistent standards from family and support systems
- Gender (Given equal exposure to risk, girls are less likely to develop health and behavior problems in adolescence than are boys.)
- Having a resilient temperament (Young people who have the ability to adjust to or recover from misfortune or change are at reduced risk.)
- Having a positive social orientation (Young people who are good-natured, enjoy social interactions and elicit positive attention from others are at reduced risk.)
- Intelligence (Bright children are less likely to become delinquent or to drop out of school. However, intelligence itself does not protect against the development of alcohol, tobacco and other drug problems.)
- Risks can exist in multiple areas of life.
- The more risk factors present, the greater the risk.
- Many of the risk factors identified for alcohol, tobacco and other drug use are also predictive of other problem behaviors among youth, including teen pregnancy, school dropout and crime.
- Risk factors show a great deal of consistency in their effects across different races, cultures and classes.
- Protective factors may buffer exposure to risk.
What can parents and families do?
Now that you have a better understanding of the factors that place your children at risk, you may need some advice on how to handle the complexities of warding off the alcohol, tobacco and other drug demons. There are two approaches to dealing with this problem.
First, you must learn to communicate with your children, and second, you must get involved in your children's world at home, at school and in the community.
In general, build trust and establish open lines of communication early.
Children don't care what you know until they know you care.
So building trust is essential to communication. But it cannot be done overnight. It is a process, not an event. It's actions and words--kids can spot hypocrisy a mile away. It's setting an example and setting limits. It's listening, respecting, validating and empowering a youngster. It's fostering a positive self-image. It's being involved and showing that you care.
This process must start early, because children are impressionable about smoking and drinking as early as nine years of age.
No lectures.
Use "learning moments."
Kids don't like to be lectured. It's a "turn-off." But they do want to be able to talk about important issues with you, just not in a forced manner.
Know what you're talking about and use brief "learning moments" to make your points. Longer, more in-depth conversations may develop later.
Set an example for your kids.
What you say and what you do must be consistent. Children of smokers and drinkers are much more likely to smoke and drink. Parents who keep large amounts of alcohol in the home often unwittingly invite use by their children and their friends.
Children who "help" their parents drink by bringing them beer or pouring them drinks typically will drink more outside the home than other children and will experience more problems related to their drinking. So, too, will children whose parents allow them to drink in the home.
Be factual.
Be informed and give your children the facts about alcohol, tobacco and other drugs in a straightforward, unemotional manner. Scare tactics and exaggerated stories don't work. Your kids see and hear a lot about these subjects at school and other places. Every day, they see. "Just Say No" and D.A.R.E. anti-drug messages in their classrooms, and they see other kids in the halls and on the playground who use drugs. So, in their own minds, kids see firsthand what's true and what's not.
State your position.
As a parent, you are the authority figure. Be consistent. Then make sure you let your children know where you stand and what your expectations are regarding their use of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs; their involvement in crime; and their attendance in school. Set curfews. Make the rules and stick to them. Learn to say "no" without apologizing. Avoid harsh punishment. Also, anticipate some of the obvious questions your children may ask and be prepared to answer them.
Be a good parent.
Build self-esteem in your children through positive reinforcement and open communication about all things. Get involved in your children's activities. Encourage sound.decision-making as your children learn to become responsible young adults. But remember that positive self-esteem does not make your kids better than other kids or make them invulnerable to the risks of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.
Know your children's friends.
Although parents are the final authority in many cases, your children's friends have a lot of power to shape your children's points of view and their opinions. If possible, get to know the parents of these other children and stay in touch with them. That way, you'll be able to compare notes about things that work and things that don't. You'll also be able to find out if "Johnny's" parents are really going to be home for the party, and not out of town.
Don't allow your children to have friends over without your permission, and don't allow your children to go to a friend's home without your permission.
Get help if you need it.
Sometimes, even the best intentions don't work for parents.
If you notice a dramatic change in your child's behavior, you should be concerned about it and seek help. Alcohol, tobacco and other drugs could be involved. Get in touch with a parent support group. Attend parent education programs. Seek advice from your physician or other helping professional. Or get help for a problem by contacting your county alcohol and drug abuse authority.
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Fact: Alcohol and tobacco are drugs.
Fact: Underage drinking is against the law. If parents serve alcohol to underage children other than their own, they are breaking the law and are liable.
Fact: It is against the law for anyone to sell tobacco products to anyone under the age of 18.
Fact: Alcohol and tobacco kill more Americans each year than illicit drugs, car accidents, fires, AIDS, homicides and suicides combined.
Fact: Alcohol and tobacco are "gateway" drugs, meaning that young people who are willing to break the first barrier and smoke are more likely to drink, and young people who drink are more likely to try marijuana and other drugs. Although there is an obvious progression here, parents need to know that the term "gateway" can be misleading. Even though alcohol and tobacco are often the first drugs used by kids today, these drugs are responsible for more injuries and deaths than all other drugs combined. So, the term "gateway" should not be perceived as meaning "lower risk."
Children need the love, support and guidance of parents throughout their lives. They need to know you care; they need a mentor. Get involved in your children's world, not only at home but in the school and community, too. Understand your children's struggles, support them, and do all that you can to discourage their use of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.
It all starts in the home.
To emphasize parental attitudes that discourage involvement in crime and alcohol, tobacco and other drug use:
- Set clear rules and emphasize family, personal, public and legal consequences of involvement in crime and the use of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.
- Give children accurate information about the long- and short-term consequences of using alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. But, remember, kids think they are invincible; so put more emphasis on the tangible consequences of use, like bad breath and yellow teeth or loss of privileges, rather than the health risks.
- Let young people know that most other young people don't use drugs; they won't be the only ones who refuse.
- Help your children to be able to stand up to peer influences and refuse alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. Teach them how to refuse a ride with someone who has been drinking or using other drugs.
- Encourage your children to participate in youth-oriented alcohol, tobacco and other drug abuse prevention programs.
- Work with schools and communities to develop alcohol, tobacco and other drug policies and support their enforcement.
- Promise your children that if they ever need you to come pick them up from a party, you will do so without hesitation.
- Do not approve of your children breaking the law.
- Do not use illegal drugs if you expect your children not to use them.
- Avoid drinking and smoking in front of your children.
- If you drink alcohol, limit your consumption to a low-risk level. The nation's dietary guidelines define low-risk consumption of alcohol as no more than one drink a day for a woman and no more than two drinks a day for a man (no more than five days per week) consumed at a rate no faster than one drink per hour.
- Don't involve your children in your smoking or drinking by asking them to bring you beer or cigarettes or to make you mixed drinks.
- Set a good example. Your children tend to do as you do.
- And, remember, there are times to be a friend to your children and there are times to be a parent. Know the difference.
- Help your children learn critical life skills, let them practice these skills and then reward them for their efforts and achievements.
- Nurture your children and express your pride in them.
- Spend time doing fun things with your children.
- Emphasize the importance of school and education.
- Get involved in making sure your children have finished their homework. Offer to be a resource.
- Involve your children in afterschool programs.
- Know your children's friends and their parents.
- Meet your children's teachers and get involved with their school.
- Watch television with your children and discuss what you see. Or turn off the television altogether and do something else with your kids.
- Listen more than you speak.
- Encourage and support your children's involvement in programs that help them with school, like a homework helpline; tutoring, mentoring and peer programs; and youth-focused programs like Scouts and other clubs.
- Establish jobs and responsibilities for everyone in the home.
- Do things with your children that they will enjoy.
- Be aware of where your children are and where they are going.
- When appropriate, solicit your children's input in family decisions that will affect them.
- Have regular family meals. Talk with your children about school, their friends and their activities.
- Ask more open-ended questions than those that require a "yes," "no" or "why" response.
- Attend support groups for families of alcoholics or addicts, and involve your children in these programs as well.
- Attend parent education programs.
- Involve your children in programs developed for siblings and step-siblings of children who have been involved in alcohol, tobacco and other drug use; been suspended or expelled from school; belonged to a gang; or been involved in criminal activities, like carrying a handgun to school.
- Consider mentoring programs for siblings.
To combat the availability of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs:
- Work with community, state and federal agencies to promote health-related laws and policies, like ordinances that prohibit smoking and drinking in public places.
- Work with law enforcement to combat crime; keep alcohol, tobacco and other drugs out of the hands of children; and reduce alcohol, tobacco and other drug problems in the community.
- Promote and support merchant-education and server-training programs for businesses that sell or serve alcohol and/or tobacco products.
- Obtain and publicize accurate and current information on alcohol, tobacco and other drug use and the risks involved.
- Expect the young people in your community to be alcohol-, tobacco- and other drug-free and encourage others in your community to expect the same.
- Work with the community to make laws, tax rates and community standards that are unfavorable toward alcohol, tobacco and other drug abuse.
- Encourage drug-free workplaces in your community.
- Encourage school dress codes that eliminate pro-alcohol, tobacco and other drug messages.
- Encourage schools in your community to adopt alcohol-, tobacco- and other drug-free policies for faculty, staff, students and visitors at schools and school-sponsored functions.
- Encourage young people to feel they are part of society and bound by its rules.
- Encourage school programs for kids who are new to the community and for kids who are moving to new schools in the community.
- Get to know the people in your community, especially new neighbors.
- Encourage the development and support of neighborhood development programs like Habitat for Humanity.
- Support community coalitions and other community efforts.
- Support programs that address youth violence.
- Encourage law enforcement to be present in and supervise public places.
- Encourage a sense of commitment among members of the community.
- Get to know your neighbors. Plan neighborhood events like holiday parties for families.
- Encourage the cultural development of the community.
To combat and prevent lack of commitment to school:
- Emphasize the importance of school and education and, more specifically, the importance of graduating from high school.
- Encourage youth to attend school and do their homework.
- Encourage participation in youth-oriented alcohol, tobacco and other drug abuse prevention programs.
- Work with educators to improve instruction and make it more meaningful and interesting.
- Work with schools to continuously deal with alcohol, tobacco and other drug problems.
- Encourage programs that help children with school, like a homework helpline; tutoring, mentoring and peer programs; and youth-focused programs like Scouts and other clubs.
- Encourage school curricula that develop social-competence, communication, decision-making and refusal skills.
- Encourage the enforcement of no-use policies in schools.
- Alcohol and other drug addiction is a treatable and curable disease, not a weakness.
- Don't belittle or shun those who have alcohol or other drug problems. They need the assistance and support of nonusers to get the help they need.
- And, most importantly, if any of your children have an alcohol or other drug problem, make sure they get the help they need.
By now you may be wondering whether you even need to talk to your child. Is the problem really that bad? One look at the following information should convince you that talking to your child about alcohol, tobacco and other drugs is one of the most important things you will ever do.
The extent of the problem.
More than 310,000 South Carolinians are currently experiencing problems with alcohol and other drugs that warrant intervention and treatment. More than 55,000 of these individuals are between the ages of 12 and 17. Following are just a few examples of the wide range of problems associated with alcohol and other drug abuse in this state:
- One in four South Carolinians experiences family problems related to alcohol or other drug abuse.
- Child abuse and neglect, incest, domestic violence, suicides, homicides and homelessness are a few of the many problems that can be linked to alcohol and other drug abuse.
- More than 15,000 babies are born each year in South Carolina to mothers who used alcohol or illegal or non-prescribed drugs during pregnancy. This represents roughly one in every four babies born in this state each year.
- Alcohol-related accidents and illnesses account for 11 percent of all deaths in South Carolina each year.
- More than 70 conditions requiring hospitalization are attributable in whole or in part to substance abuse, including HIV/AIDS, liver disease, hypertension, coronary heart disease, laryngeal cancer, lung cancer, oral cavity cancer, pneumonia and respiratory diseases.
- Among South Carolinians ages 15 to 24, alcohol use is the major cause of death. Of all deaths in this age group each year, 45 percent are due to alcohol use, primarily alcohol-related car crashes, while 9 percent are attributable to the use of all other drugs.
- More than 52 percent of all inmates ages 17 to 29 who were incarcerated in South Carolina's correctional facilities in 1996 had been under the influence of alcohol or other drugs when they committed their particular crimes.
- According to coroners' reports, about 68 percent of all South Carolinians killed in car crashes were drinking prior to their crashes.
Unfortunately, alcohol and other drug problems affect South Carolinians of all ages and from all walks of life. But the good news is that these problems are both preventable and treatable. The key ingredient, of course, is understanding. Understanding the nature of the problem. Understanding what you as a parent can do to prevent it. And understanding what you can do to get help if a problem arises.
Armed with essential knowledge, you have tremendous power in your children's world. So talk to your kids about alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. It could very well change their lives forever.
Where do you go from here?
South Carolina provides numerous resources at both the state and local levels to prevent and treat problems related to the use of alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.
If you need more information...
The South Carolina Department of Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse Services (DAODAS) operates THE DRUGSTORE Information Clearinghouse, a resource library of printed and audiovisual materials that includes a wealth of information on this topic, including brochures, fact sheets and more.
The department also operates a statewide toll-free telephone line that you can call for answers to your specific questions about alcohol, tobacco and other drug abuse, as well as where you can get information about local prevention and treatment services available in your community.
For more information, call our toll-free number at 1-800-942-DIAL or visit our web site at www.scprevents.org.
If someone you know needs help...
A variety of services are available in every county of the state for anyone who needs them. Services are tailored to meet the unique needs of each individual and/or family. Services are provided by a statewide system of county alcohol and drug abuse authorities, all of which are nationally accredited.
Following is a listing of the county authorities. These local agencies are there to help your family and your community address a wide range of problems. For more information about the specific services available in your community, contact your county authority.